Tea Nguyen, DPM (00:54.574)

We need to talk about this. Does watching other doctors succeed make you feel some kind of way? Like you're not good enough or it feels overwhelming or impossible because other people achieved success and for you it feels like you're so far from that. Some people feel like somehow another person's win is taking away from their own potential. Like there's a limited amount of success that only a few people can have.

And that's a problematic thought that we need to discuss and stop and rewire our brain so that we don't have this negative feeling associated with other people's success. Now, if you've ever scrolled past a colleague's announcement, like they opened a new practice, they opened their fifth business, they had a sold out wait list or they're speaking on big stages and you're kind of feeling this sting, realize that you're not alone. It doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, but we do need to talk about it.

So here's the thing, this feeling that you have, it didn't just start with social media, although it did amplify our insecurities to such a greater depth because of the volume of information we're receiving, whether it be on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, X, there's like so many places now to be, right? And it didn't really start with that colleague or that person's post. It really came from how we were raised.

Somewhere in your life and in mine, maybe it was a parent, a teacher, they said something like, why can't you be more like so and so? She's smart, she's well behaved, she's got a great job that pays well. And then we internalize that. And then we turn everything into our achievements as to that's what we are. That's just how we are valued in the things that we've accomplished. And realize this is all relative.

This also persisted in our medical training. In school, our grades were compared with one another. If you were in a school system where your grade was on a bell curve, it was relative, right? If you did better than a certain percentage, you rank in that level. I don't know how grades are done these days anyway, but back in my day, there's a grading system that is relative to your cohort. So we're always being measured against somebody else.

Tea Nguyen, DPM (03:23.116)

And it seems to be a different ruler for different scenarios. In medicine, if you think about it, this is one of the most competitive, comparison heavy environments that exist. We've got board scores, we've got class rankings, residency matches, fellowship spots, jobs. Everything is a competition. There's a scoreboard. So by the time we're done with training, comparison wasn't just a habit. It became with how

We understood the world and our own worth. Now, if you're in business, you own your business or you're about to be, there's really no scoreboard, right? Nobody is going out there saying, you opened eight businesses, you know, that's an A plus or your business profit margins are way better than that business profit margin, right? So kudos to you. So nobody's really giving you a grade and that feels uncertain. It doesn't give us much to compare to. So then we create our own mental system thinking that we have to make X dollars in order to feel worthy because we were conditioned to do so. So if you see somebody who's winning and they're winning out loud and it's public and it makes you feel a certain kind of way, your brain's just doing what it's trained to do. It compares. It's a natural place to be. This is how our brains as humans evolved. And if you're not where they are, it files that as evidence, evidence that you're behind, that you're less than.

That you're not quite there, that you're not enough, right? Maybe you're not cut out for this. And sometimes you hear those thoughts and you think it's your own voice and then you go on and believe it, which is a crime. As you know, you cannot believe everything you think. And I say that because that was me. Years ago, I joined a coaching program. I joined this humongous group expecting to find people like me, people who cared about the same stuff I did.

And then months would go by, we would do our thing, build our business. And I saw so many tremendous wins, people who were like seven figures, multi seven figures. And I'm hardly even there, but they are just so proud and they're sharing. And you know, at first I was like, that's really cool. That's amazing. But the other side of me was like, gee.

Tea Nguyen, DPM (05:46.402)

I have so much to live up to. I don't know if I can do that. What are they doing that I am doing wrong? So I created this inner dialogue that never felt really good, right? So I felt like I was in the wrong place because all of the wins were measured up against people who made X dollars. And it was just a natural safe space for our peers to share their wins because that's what we want to do.

When something exciting happens, we want to share the things we care about with the people we care about, right? So I felt incredibly guilty feeling that way about myself, because their wins ultimately had nothing to do with me. I just felt like I was the least qualified person in that space. Like everyone else was lapping me and I was just barely getting by. Actually, I was drowning. I felt incredibly terrible, depression, divorce impending, all the things, right?

And these people are my friends. They were kind and generous with their time and their advice and everybody were all hands on deck. Let's help each other. And even though the evidence was obvious that they are loving, kind, well-deserving people who worked really hard, I could not help but feel small about myself. Even if they said really nice things about me and the things that I was building. I was in a place of self-pity.

For a while and I don't say that lightly because I think we all kind of feel that but we may not openly admit it. And waiting for somebody to come in to rescue me out of this situation, it felt exhausting to perform in a way that was up to their standards. Like they would see me and they're like, you do this thing, right? And I'm thinking like, yeah, I do do this thing but I don't feel like I'm really that good to talk about it or to celebrate it. 

And I just felt like I was tired of being that strong, independent, capable woman in medicine, in business ownership. And at the time, I just wanted to rest. I wanted to reset. I didn't feel like I was in full alignment with how I showed up and what I was building. And it felt like I was running on fumes. But I had to keep showing up as if I had it together, because everybody else had it together, right? The expectations were there.

Tea Nguyen, DPM (08:10.146)

And that's what we do, right? We fake it until we make it, except nobody tells you that strategy to hustle requires rest. You can only fake it so long before you burn out completely. You're out of gas and you fall into hibernation mode and you disappear. And if you are an avoidant type, like I am, you just avoid the hard stuff and you quietly fade away. So my struggles were quiet. I wasn't really posting about it.

I didn't really tell anybody about it. I just stepped away, felt sorry for myself, ruminated alone, and then I completely crashed. So when I say crash, I mean like I physically did not feel well. I needed more rest time. I stopped a lot of projects. I stopped meeting with people and I really didn't know what to do with that. Nobody told me what to do. Nobody told me what was normal, what wasn't normal. I just created this inner dialogue that wasn't serving me. 

And in that stillness, something became really clear that I have been putting the spotlight on myself, that I needed to be a hero, that I in the face of what felt like inadequacy in that comparison, that exhaustion, it was all rooted in how I believed things were supposed to work, that my worth was tied to what I could achieve on my own by myself. And if I wasn't producing at their levels around people around me that I wasn't as worthy to be in their presence.

And that distinction kept me stuck because now I'm functioning at a level of not enough. I'm functioning at a level of I have to prove something to somebody, whoever that somebody is, right? I have to make up for this invisible scoreboard that no one's really keeping track of, right? So here's what's really happening. Now that I'm on the other side and I can share this vulnerable story with you, is that I was running on ego.

When you put the spotlight on yourself, you make it all about you. Somebody made a win, that means there's not enough wins for you, right, available to you. Or you go on stage and you feel like everyone's watching you, and so you don't deliver the message, and therefore the message doesn't get spoken. It doesn't reach the right people because now you've made it about yourself. And what helped me change the way I showed up, whether it's with peers or groups,

Tea Nguyen, DPM (10:31.094)

or on stage or on this podcast is that I de-centered that spotlight and I made it about the person who needs to hear it. I became a lighthouse instead. And I heard this from a public speaker who said, if you remove yourself from the spotlight and treat yourself as a lighthouse, the pressure is relieved. Now you become a source for somebody who needs to hear the message the way that you say it. So if you take this one advice from this episode,

and you're feeling kind of beaten down because everyone else seems to really be on it. They're far ahead of you. De-center the spotlight onto you. This is really not about you. The business that you're building, the life that you're creating is not really about you. It's about who you can help and how you become the person who can help people, which means you exist with your voice, with the way you view the world as if you were a lighthouse.

So you realign doing the work that matters to you. It resonates with you most because that's when you'll show up with joy and happiness and fulfillment and optimism even. And that's magnetic. That's what people are drawn to. When they see you as somebody who loves the work that you do, it feels fully in alignment with who you are. You're proud of your work. You know it takes time to build it. And so you're building it.

and the progress is actually fun and you're not chasing the end result of some dollar amount that you decided to define was going to mean that you're successful, realize that you are successful right now. Right now in this moment, you have a brain that works, you have choices that are available to you and you have an abundance of resources. If you know how to work all of those things to your favor and you can control the negative voice in your mind that makes you feel small, you have already won more than most people.

First of all, you've got a medical degree, so you're already ahead of this invisible curve. You're doing a lot of work most people are never willing to do. So don't minimize who you are today because the bank account doesn't reflect that for you. Once you shift the way you think about the world, the way you think success is, the way you feel about it,

Tea Nguyen, DPM (12:55.602)

And you see that you're now a lighthouse for other people who resonate with your story in the way that you deliver it. Then the work does get easier. Then the money does flow because you're no longer chasing. You're now receptive. You're allowing it's just coming through because you love the work that you do every day. So if you're feeling small because of other people's success, I just want you to know you're not alone.

It's because that's how we're trained to think. We're trained to compare ourselves with one another. This is what makes us human. We are always measuring ourselves up against something else. That's normal. But if you let that run unchecked, but if you let that be the only thing that runs in the background and you don't check it and you allow it to make you feel small, like there's not enough in the world for you, like you're behind.

Like you're not worthy. That's an invitation for you to check in with yourself and ask why, where does this come from and is it true? And can I change the story? Because once you change that mental wiring, that mental system, whatever it is you choose to believe, your brain will seek out the evidence for it. For example, once you start noticing a red car on the freeway, then suddenly you see more red cars. Why is that? It's because you brought something into your awareness.

You are now more aware of the red car and then suddenly you start seeing it everywhere. Your brain is seeking the evidence to prove yourself right or wrong. Mostly right. That's how our egos work. So if you say to yourself, their success is something to aim towards, or it becomes a beacon of hope for what's possible for me, your energy and your efforts are gonna shift in a positive way. Where you see them, you celebrate them, and you also say to yourself,

Hey, I can have that too. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to that. I'm having a lot of fun. And you will find yourself building a business that feels true to you because you're not chasing something out of pure scarcity because you were afraid of not having it or you're just trying to prove to somebody who's probably not even watching. You're not proving anything to anybody at that point. And once you get to that point, that's when you'll truly experience

Tea Nguyen, DPM (15:20.704)

freedom and the money will naturally flow. So in a nutshell, it is actually costing you a lot of money. It's quiet. It shows up as overthinking, hesitating for things to be waiting for things to be perfect, waiting for somebody to rescue you. It also slows you down in your business decisions. It's going to cost in revenue. The act of comparison slows down your business growth. So you can see that the act of comparison is going to slow your business down.

because you're now consumed with what other people are doing. So you end up exhausting yourself, chasing somebody else's goalpost. So what to do next time you have this feeling? Sit with it. Ask yourself, what is this really about? The insecurity that rises is an invitation to evaluate. Evaluate an inner belief that you think you're too late, that you're not moving fast enough, that you're not qualified.

None of these are true, but you have to find the evidence that they're not true. can't tell you that it's not true It's it's your brain you have to rewire it but recognize that there's no such thing as starting too late There's no such thing as moving too fast or too slow There's no such thing you already have the credentials and it's up to you with what you do with that information next time you feel some sort of way Let it be an invitation to look inwards and if somebody is really making you feel really cringy. Just let it go. Did delete them and if there is somebody?

who's making you feel terrible about yourself for whatever reason, go ahead and hit the block button. You do not need that in your life. Protect your mental health, be selective with who you invite into your world and realize that you're actually never too late to build your dream life. And that's a belief I hope you adopt today. If this episode hits close to home, I'd love to hear from you. I'm over on LinkedIn or Instagram @TEADPM.

I'll talk with you next week. Take care.